Narrative Should Not Announce Action

Deciding he had to act or be victimized, John steeled himself, throwing both elbows into the ghoul’s chest and shouting, “Nooooooo!” The monster lost all balance, stumbled across a limb and pitched off the mountain cliff.

I like to look at all my inactive storytelling with the hope of omitting. SHOW, don’t TELL is foremost in a writer’s head.  While we need the internal narrative in order to get a feeling for the character, I’ve found it easier to put narrative in than it is to “kill your rambling babies” later. Be particularly wary of broad-brush explanations of action, half-page descriptions, long internal reflection and the dastardly back story.  In particular, if the content of the TELL is about to be shown, omit the tell; that’s an easy call.

I am choosing to define narrative here as that portion of the prose that directly communicate story to the reader either through the author’s (nasty) or character’s (better) point of view’s (POV).  Some suggest a formula of one third narrative to two thirds DIALOGUE and ACTION.  Rules tend to be too rigid, but most new writers are heavy-handed when it comes to tell versus action and dialogue, and thus the emphasis upon cutting narrative that adds little to the show. (Adhering to this is particularly difficult if you have a lonely character or write first person, but still worth the effort).

In the above example, the narrative is giving us a peek into the mind of John.  He’s afraid of being victimized and he is steeling himself.  One of John’s problems might be his cowardice.  Building character is often a story-wide concern though–not a momentary issue.  I’m betting there are a number of scenes wherein John’s fear can be shown as opposed to told here.

Let’s face it, every author tells a bit of what is going on inside their POV character and the prose here is not bad. In fact, a little telling might be necessary in certain passages. My instincts tell me that getting rid of this paragraph’s opening won’t feel easy to the author.  On the other hand, thinking about ways to reduce narrative story-wide is always a productive exercise, even if you choose to keep a few, which I’m sure you will.

“Nooooooo!” John threw both elbows into the ghoul’s chest.

The monster stumbled across a limb, lost balance and pitched off the mountain cliff.

Reading the above, do we doubt that John steeled himself?  If we have done a good job and allowed our readers to see John’s cowardice throughout the story, we see this as an act of courage.  And, of course, we don’t need to be told he shouted.  Everything left is active plot, a seriously good thing in writing.

I have a personal goal: Carving away narrative should make me feel guilty about not showing enough of the internal character.  Once I feel that way, I add narrative that is meaningful in strategic spots.  After all, John did push a ghoul off a cliff. Here, his actions tell us everything we need to know. Here, we are compelled to strip out the fat and let the action and dialogue sing.

Compelling Openings

[Ed. Note: Loconeal traveled to Millennicon this past weekend. Expect to hear more about that soon! In the meantime, here's today's Write Tip from Gary, on compelling openings. --Faith]

Compelling Openings

The most important part of any novel is the opening. Okay, that’s not true; the most important part of a novel is the cover. Next to that is the blurb on the back cover. The third most important part of the novel is the writing. Nineteen out of twenty people read paragraph one of that before putting the book back on the shelf and moving to something else.

By readers I mean agents, publishers, customers and most importantly, the person who wrote it. It is sometimes abundantly clear when writers are struggling to engage their own work before page twenty.

A lot of good advice about openings exists on the web. I’m probably going to drudge some of that up later. In this post I want to simplify the process by suggesting a compelling start in the general sense.

Imagine a hamster. You have this animal in your hand. Having bought a brand new cage with all the bells and wheels and automatic feeding machines, you are hovering the new pet one inch above the fresh cedar shavings. Its little legs are churning. The nose twitches. Eyes bulge. If you don’t let it go it’ll bite your hand.

In half a second the animal’s getting dropped.

Think like a hamster here. This is pretty damned exciting as we open the pretty cover on that book. The prospects of what’s in that cage are myriad: Other hamsters, secret escapes, tunnels, water holes, the thrill when someone leaves the hatch open and the cat squeezes through that little square opening on top. Anything can happen and it immediately will. Chapter one happens as soon as the feet hit the shavings—dropped right past that white space one line under the chapter title.

In the world of hamsters there are two kinds of stuff for chapter one:

Stuff One: Everything that is about to happen.

Stuff Two: Every irrelevant thing else that you can mistakenly include.

Hamsters are like readers too. They have extremely short attention spans. I’m told their eyesight is very limited, certainly not past the next minute.

One thing good about hamsters though is they are bursting with energy. The moment you put them down they are going to engage in that number one stuff exclusively. The event of release will expose the hamster’s flaws, present him with problems, and insist that all his attention is instantly focused on the next, life-altering moment because he can’t even remember a minute back or see out the glass or even imagine another place.

You’re going to watch him. You’re going to wonder what he does. When crap happens to him, you’re going to want him to figure his way out. You’re going to care if he succeeds and maybe buy this book.

Hello from Gary Wedlund

(Ed. Note: Today marks our first Write Tip. These recurring posts by Gary Wedlund will provide advice on the mechanics of writing. Welcome, Gary! –F. Van Horne)

I am offering my struggles toward becoming a writer as fodder for the first entry to this blog.

I’ve considered all the failures and bumps up to this moment when I think of myself as halfway to competence. It sticks out that my biggest failures come when I think I’m better than I am.

But then again, writers have to think they are better than they really are. You have to slap yourself on the back. After all, you are doing something productive that you probably couldn’t have done nearly as well a year ago.

Think of it this way: When your five year old paints a picture of a dog, you slap the barely discernible mutt up on the refrigerator and the kid is ecstatic. Why not? Success breeds success. Call it a success and boom, years later it is.

Writing, on the other hand, is a roller coaster ride. One moment you fantasize about being on Larry King, talking about your latest NYT best seller. The next you’re wondering why the last five sentences you just wrote started with the word She. “This crap is garbage! I can’t write. What was I thinking?”

Big problems come to play when one imagines ninety thousand barely edited words on paper equating to a publishable piece of work. Believe you are better than you are, but hold off on the notion that ten cents worth of work correlates to someone willing to pay fifteen dollars for it. I am often surprised by the small amount of input many give to what should be a major undertaking.

My first publishing experience is possibly the best example of this flaw. Somewhere around my umpteenth novel, I produced a book called Zombies in My Hometown. “This one’s great. I’m ready.”

I self published without anyone else looking at it.

As soon as I put my hands on a copy, I noticed the obvious typos. A couple years later, I started noticing all the POV breaks. Punctuation on the dialogue needed big help. I didn’t even like the cover. There was this two page part in the middle that seemed like a giant sermon.

“Oooooookay now.”

I wrote the company and had them take it off the market.

A few years later, a really nice author, Anthony Giangregorio, called me up and said, “Hey, that book is what inspired me to start writing. Now I have a publishing company. I see it’s off the market. Let me publish that for you.”

It was at least a decent story, so I agreed. I rewrote the hell out of it (I’m talking massively) and it’s out there today under the name Zombies in Our Hometown, sans the typos and big POV boo boos. It will never make the NYT bestseller list, but at least I can feel somewhat proud about something of mine making its way up onto someone’s refrigerator door.

The thing to think about isn’t if I’m a great writer, an average writer, or even a bad one. The thing that matters is I’m a better writer the second go around than I was the first go around.

After that, the right thing to ask is why.

We live under the umbrella of a thing called the Protestant Work Ethic. This American ethos says if you work your butt off you’ll get somewhere. Once again, I’m defining a dichotomy. During my college days a wise production management professor outlined that there is a huge difference between work and production. Work is when you’re doing lots of stuff. Production is when it has defined focus. One person can work half as much as the next person and get twice as much done.

Don’t misunderstand me. Good writers get there because they write a lot. I mean, every single day. This notion that you can do it a couple times a month and become a great writer is silly. Work is key. But, work without focus still gets you nowhere.

I know there are a few colleges that offer programs geared toward fiction writing, but noting that exception, I generally believe you can’t learn the meat of this craft through normal educational channels. In fact, most basic books on writing don’t help much either. (Not the same as saying, books written specifically about genre writing are bad, because they are often excellent).

This is more like a family business. You have to learn it from Ma and Pa. By that I mean the community teaches itself.

Put aside most of what you’ve been taught about writing. All that business school stuff is too formal. Never use a semicolon—really? How to give a speech class mostly doesn’t apply. I recall they taught me to layer on the metaphors. Don’t you dare! Grammar diagrams. Oh, God, I hate those anti-motivating things. And the one I really hate is the teacher telling me all the good writing was done before 1920. That teacher is so wrong she’s a hundred eighty degrees out of phase by a factor of a thousand. Oh, there’s another ugly one wandering around: “You have to have talent. Writing can’t be learned.”

I’m living proof that’s stupid. Or at least I think I am when my roller coaster is on the upswing of those hills.

It never is whether one has talent or can learn. It’s whether one thirsts for it. We’ve all seen both types. It isn’t a mystery. Some people are told the same things over and over again, and they just don’t want to hear it. Others say, “Oh, how can I apply that idea to something I’m doing?”

Here’s my philosophy. I used to go to the park and play a lot of basketball. Little kids sometimes came by, and I’d let them join in. Then a few years later they were way better, and they wouldn’t let me join in. That’s not nice, now is it? Before I started pouting, the main point was this: If you learn one thing at a time, pretty soon you’ve gotten somewhere. Once you’ve gotten a little ways, give back.

This leads to what my production professor was implying when he said there’s a difference between work and focused production.

So, we can teach each other stuff we might not be able to obtain anywhere outside the family. That’s why the blog.

New Author and Contributing Editor, Gary Wedlund

Loconeal Publishing is happy to announce the addition of author, Gary Wedlund, and his new novel, Abi: Shaman Within. A welcome addition to the Loconeal family of writers, Gary is a published author of several short stories and the novel Zombies in Our Hometown. He is one of the founding members of the Ohio Writers and North Columbus Fantasy/SciFi writer’s groups and is a longstanding member of the prestigious Columbus Writing Workshop. Gary is also a credited editor for LivingDeadPress and has assisted many published authors in their editing efforts.

 

His recent work has shifted toward novels in the historic fantasy, urban fantasy and paranormal humor genres. Loconeal will be publishing Gary’s novel, Abi: Shaman Within, a fantasy novel and the first in the Shaman Warrior Series.

 

 In addition to Gary’s addition to the Loconeal writer family, he will also be hosting a blog focusing on writing tips. Subscribe to loconeal.com feeds or blog subscription and keep up to date on the “Write Tips” he has to offer. Writers, new and experienced, are welcome to comment.

 

Gary has a BFA from the Columbus College of Art and Design, teaching certification from Otterbein College, an MBA from the Ohio State University and a First Class FCC license earned while an electronics systems instructor for the US Army. He is employed as a Communications Systems Specialist for the City of Columbus, Ohio.

Updates and additional information can be obtained at the official site for Loconeal Publishing, at www.loconeal.com .

Loconeal Publishing is a small press multi-genre publisher located in Amherst, Ohio, with a focus on fantasy and science-fiction.
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