Narrative Should Not Announce Action
April 11, 2011 6 Comments
Deciding he had to act or be victimized, John steeled himself, throwing both elbows into the ghoul’s chest and shouting, “Nooooooo!” The monster lost all balance, stumbled across a limb and pitched off the mountain cliff.
I like to look at all my inactive storytelling with the hope of omitting. SHOW, don’t TELL is foremost in a writer’s head. While we need the internal narrative in order to get a feeling for the character, I’ve found it easier to put narrative in than it is to “kill your rambling babies” later. Be particularly wary of broad-brush explanations of action, half-page descriptions, long internal reflection and the dastardly back story. In particular, if the content of the TELL is about to be shown, omit the tell; that’s an easy call.
I am choosing to define narrative here as that portion of the prose that directly communicate story to the reader either through the author’s (nasty) or character’s (better) point of view’s (POV). Some suggest a formula of one third narrative to two thirds DIALOGUE and ACTION. Rules tend to be too rigid, but most new writers are heavy-handed when it comes to tell versus action and dialogue, and thus the emphasis upon cutting narrative that adds little to the show. (Adhering to this is particularly difficult if you have a lonely character or write first person, but still worth the effort).
In the above example, the narrative is giving us a peek into the mind of John. He’s afraid of being victimized and he is steeling himself. One of John’s problems might be his cowardice. Building character is often a story-wide concern though–not a momentary issue. I’m betting there are a number of scenes wherein John’s fear can be shown as opposed to told here.
Let’s face it, every author tells a bit of what is going on inside their POV character and the prose here is not bad. In fact, a little telling might be necessary in certain passages. My instincts tell me that getting rid of this paragraph’s opening won’t feel easy to the author. On the other hand, thinking about ways to reduce narrative story-wide is always a productive exercise, even if you choose to keep a few, which I’m sure you will.
“Nooooooo!” John threw both elbows into the ghoul’s chest.
The monster stumbled across a limb, lost balance and pitched off the mountain cliff.
Reading the above, do we doubt that John steeled himself? If we have done a good job and allowed our readers to see John’s cowardice throughout the story, we see this as an act of courage. And, of course, we don’t need to be told he shouted. Everything left is active plot, a seriously good thing in writing.
I have a personal goal: Carving away narrative should make me feel guilty about not showing enough of the internal character. Once I feel that way, I add narrative that is meaningful in strategic spots. After all, John did push a ghoul off a cliff. Here, his actions tell us everything we need to know. Here, we are compelled to strip out the fat and let the action and dialogue sing.


